What Have I Done?
by BellDouglas
Summary: One-shot The night of Bella's birthday party from Jasper's eyes.


**AN: I'm having a bit of a hard time writing my other story, so I'm taking a break. This is what came out. It's just a little one-shot from Jasper the night of Bella's birthday party in 'New Moon'.**

**I own Nothing. The characters and some of the words belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Enjoy...read on.**

What Have I Done?

JPOV:

I let go of Alice's hand as she skipped forward towards Bella. She was so happy to be celebrating Bella's birthday. I too was happy to be able to celebrate, however I still kept my distance. I could feel that this sometimes bothered Bella, but she understood that it is for the best. I don't want to put her in any unnecessary danger when it can be avoided with a little distance.

"Time to open presents," Alice almost sang as to took Bella to a table with presents on it. Bella started to complain but my Alice would have none of that. "Open it".

I watched as Bella began to open the present from Emmett, myself and Rosalie. She was dripping confusion.

"Um...thanks." She said into the empty box.

I couldn't help but laugh a little while explaining that it was a stereo for her truck. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

She thanked us, while calling a louder "Thanks, Emmett!" out in the direction of her truck. His booming laughter letting her know he had heard her. Turfully she could have whispered it and he would have still heard.

"Open mine and Edward's next." Alice was so excited as she placed the small, flat square in Bella's hands.

Emmett came bounding in the door as Bella was pouting at Edward for spending money on her. I moved a little closer, wanting to enjoy the moment.

"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured her.

Bella gave in and took the gift from Alice and began opening it. That's when it happened.

I smelled it, the blood. True it was just a small amount, but it was the sweetest thing I had ever smelled. I felt my eyes go black with thirst. In that moment I no longer saw Bella as Bella. She was my prey and I was going to have her. I gave in completely. No longer fighting with my self. No longer denying what my body wanted so badly.

I rushed forward to indulge in my want. I vaguely realized that I had slammed into Edward in the process, causing a loud crash to sound out. I wasn't going to be stopped so easily. I snarled and snapped at Edward, who at that moment was nothing more then something keeping me from what I wanted. The next moment I was being grabbed from behind. Emmett had my locked in his massive arms but still I struggled against them. The scent having become much stronger. I stared at Bella sitting in a mess of blood and glass. I struggled harder, thrashing around wildly.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." The calm authority in the voice let me know it was Carlisle.

Emmett must have complied because I was soon being towed away from my next meal. I just couldn't let that happen. I twisted and struggled harder against Emmett's hold, trying anything to get free. Edward was trying to block my view of the girl that I wanted so much to kill at that moment. Ready to defend her should I get free. Rosalie then step in blocking my view completely. I started snapping at her for getting in the way. Why couldn't they just let me have what I wanted. It would be over so quickly.

I continued to struggle with both Emmett and Rosalie as they pulled me out the doors. As we passed Esme, who was holding the door opened, I felt that she was ashamed. I couldn't concentrate enough at the time to figure out why.

Once I was outside, the fresh air started to clean my thought. I kept going over what had just happened in the house. _Oh no, what have I done? _My mind was racing as I fought the last of the overwhelming thirst that had taken control.

Emmett was trying to console me when I finally broke free of his hold. I immediately took off into the forest. My thirst needed to be taken care of before something even worse happened.

_How could I have done that, to Bella no less. What have I done?_

My mind still not able to come to terms with what happened. Finishing up my little impromptu hunt, I sank to the ground. I sat there with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

_How could I have done that to Bella? _

That was when I started feeling sympathy. I looked up expecting to see Alice. What I was met with was a sullen looking Edward. He of all people would understand the draw of Bella's blood. I put my head back down.

_I'm so sorry Edward. I should have had better control. I shouldn't have gotten so close. I'm so sorry. _I kept telling him in my thoughts how sorry I was.

He sat next to me on the ground mimicking my possession, head down. We were silent for some time when I suddenly felt anger. No it was much stronger then that, it was rage. I knew it wasn't coming from Edward. His emotions were all over the map. I looked up to see Alice running towards us. The look she was giving Edward was anything but nice, much like her emotions. She must have been talking to him through his thoughts. His emotions were only getting darker.

"Don't you think I know that!" He said this quietly, but with so much force.

I wasn't really sure what was going on. I held my head tighter as their emotions got stronger.

"How could you even think of leaving her?" Alice was still raging.

It all made since with that one statement. Edward had made a decision, and Alice clearly didn't like it. I was trying hard not to listen to their fight. I couldn't really deal with the intensity of their emotions right now. No matter how hard I tried the next statement broke though the wall I was trying to build.

"I'm not the only one leaving. We are _all _leaving. Bella deserves better then this." Edwards statement was said with conviction and certainty, but his emotions let me know he was hurting deeply.

_This is all my fault. If I had only... _My thought to myself were interrupted as Edward began to speak to me.

"It's not your fault Jasper. It was going to happen, it was just a matter of time. If it wasn't you it could have been me or any other vampire for that matter. As long as we are around, she will never be safe."

I wanted to protest, wanted to tell him to stay and I would leave, but I couldn't. It wasn't my place. After what I had just done, I would support whatever decision Edward made. Even if I thought it was the wrong one.

"Thank you Jasper." Edward said softly, having heard my thoughts.

**AN: I hope you enjoyed my take on Jasper and his reaction to Bella's birthday party. I hope that you'll tell me what you thought about it. **

**Come on people, it will only take a minute to review. You know you want to...Please? **

**There could be cookies involved. ;-)**


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